So, I'm debating on whether or not I should put a really long STiM blog up. I mean, I guess some people would care to know what's going on... I think I'd rather just write a really long love letter to my team. They've been AMAZING. Seriously, folks, these are some of the coolest, most loving, funniest, most charming, most fabulous people in the world. I'd bet my bank account on it, if I were a betting man... Or woman. These men and women have been the most tangible showing of Christ's love to me, ever.
God has really shown up during STiM weekends. It's like He spends the weekends highlighting what He's been teaching me. There's a safety I feel entering Tehuacana city limits. See, it's been a kinda rough semester with leadership, so STiM has been my refuge. People who love me, who seem to have the same heart for the world, and want to learn how to love people as Christ's ambassadors. Learning how to die to myself in order to make relationships with people. Praying for God to break me of my sinful selfish ways... And all the while I'm making these amazing relationships... With outstanding brothers and sisters.
Yesterday was kinda rough. I had to deal with something I didn't ever expect... I'll tell you about it if you ask me...But instead of getting to run away from it, Michael caught me and made me tell him what was going on. Then stayed there and held my hand while I cried and he, AmyD, and I prayed... Brandon and Alicia stayed outside and waited, as Michael was going home with them, and hugged me and made sure I knew I was much loved by as we were all leaving.
And, really, that's just one way to show how awe-inspiring this team is. And it wasn't just that they were there during that time... Like, how could Michael know that just doing that could help me take big steps in healing my relationships with men? How could Subin know that because he reminds me of my high school best friend, he feels safe and secure, which sometimes is such good medicine? How could Alicia know that she listens, and it means the world to me that she also cares what goes on in my life? How could Dave know that hearing the excitement in his voice when he sees me makes me day? How could Judy know she makes me laugh so hard that every time I think of her I smile? As a matter of fact thinking of anyone on my STiM team makes me smile... Ear to ear... Face-aching smile. And I love it.
You know how this team can be so amazing? Because the Lord brought us together. His Abba love for us caused us to become a family. An amazing beautiful family with so many differences. I love it. God, in His perfectness, chooses to use us, in our brokeness, to minister to one another. We are such a testimony to how Great, Gracious, Almighty, and Loving our God is. It's all about Him... And it's crazy, because no matter how UNfaithful we are, He still chooses to show us love. Through His Word, His children, His world, His Spirit, His Sacrifice. He has amazing grace. I can't wait to be broken more. To die to myself and lay it all on the line for Him. For what He's done. Not because He needs me, but because He proves time and time again that He wants to use me... And why, I'll never know, but I'll be forever grateful that He does.
Know that He wants you to... Longs for you... And Loves you. :)
So, there's this thing called class that I don't seem to go to anymore. It's as though I've decided it's optional or something. I used to go to class all the time when I was younger (you know, freshman, sophmore) and for some reason I've deicded that class is not important anymore and I can go only when I feel like it. I hate missing these classes, too, because they are the ones where attendance really counts. And they're FUN, too!! Grrr... I don't know why I slam my alarm and then roll over and sleep until 10:30!!! I lose. I lose I lose I lose!
With that out of the way, I am on my way to my "important class" of the day (not saying that Dance and Volleyball aren't important, but ADPR actually pertains to what could quite possibly be my future career) and I'm looking forward to the fact that all we'll have to do today is take notes. Ususally we have a big project to work on, seeing as this is my graphic design class, but today he's going to explain what he wants in our annual report... And that's it.
I was in a really weird mood last night. Sorta lonely, but not really... Sorta bored, but not really... Sorta wanting to be in a new place and time altogether... But not really. Lately I've been feeling like I just want to take a break from being me. I want to have some actual time off, as opposed to whatever my "time off" is now... Which is usually time where I'm having to do something I couldn't do earlier because I had fifteen other things to do. Now, don't get me wrong... I love all the things I do. Really. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'd just love a little break. That's it. Whining done. End scene.
I'm supposed to go home for Easter weekend, which, sadly, I'm not really looking forward to. I love seeing my parents, but Amarillo makes me want to gag most of the time. Not that Lubbock is all that better... But... Well, I feel like I'm better here. I don't know.
I really really want to go out (or stay in) and do something super fun on Friday night... I'm hoping that there will be some people still in town who want to hang out... But who knows.
So, this has been an incredibly boring and strange post. It was theraputic for me, however... And I hope I don't lose all my "fanbase" from this blog. :)
I'm just wondering why I have a hard time caring about the things I really need to worry about (i.e. SCHOOL) but it's quite easy for me to freak out about things that don't matter. I'm just feeling not happy. I have two tests this week and I don't care about them. Tomorrow I have to deal with the fact that I missed all of my Tuesday/Thursday classes last week because I was horribly ill. And I really was, contrary to popular belief... I even have 2 doctor's notes. I'm whiny and cranky and I don't know why. Argh. I really really don't like being in this mood.
God's bringing me to a really scary place right now. I think He wants me to deal with something that I've never really wanted to deal with and it came out at exec meeting... And I just don't want to have to deal with it. But, the only thing I know is that God has my best interests at heart, so He's doing this for a reason. I just don't want it. And I'm having strange new feelings for someone that I don't want to deal with, either. I'd like to rewind to freshman year where there was no responsibility... And no life. LOL :lol:
It's funny how the amount of blogging I do can usually be directly correlated to how much I'm putting into my walk with Jesus. Seeing as how I haven't blogged in awhile, you can probably guess that I haven't been putting the effort into my walk that I should be... That being said, it still amazes me how God comes and meets me where I am. I shouldn't be surprised, right? He's the same Abba He always was. Do I think He's going to go changing His character because I'm a big dork?! No way. Let me 'splain.
So, it's been a rough semester for me. I'm willing to say that I have a lot on my plate. Exec, STiM (Student Training in Missions), work, oh yeah, SCHOOL, and trying to have a life, has proven to be hard on me. So, I got super sick... I was so mad. I was sick during STiM weekend, sick from school, and sick on my BIRTHDAY. I had a meltdown on Monday during Exec meeting... Just the culminations of tough emotional times... Then God goes and teaches me... It was like all of a sudden today He said, "Robin, I'm going to make you rest, even if that means forcing you to stay home because I know what's good for you and I want to spend time with you." Now, I know I'm humanizing God, and I really don't mean to, but there you go.
It's just that He loves me that much. He'll keep pushing the button until I realize that it's HIM I'm missing... It's not stress or "lonliness" or worry.... But I miss my Abba... My "Daddy God." And oh, the love fest when I figure that out and go back. The peace, joy, and LOVE of my God. *sigh* He's the best.
He's so good to hit me in the right spots. Matt (http://falcontch.tblog.com) had some friends of his from Pais (http://www.paisproject.com) come and talk at Large Group tonight. Man, they were awesome. I love hearing about missions, anyway, and they always renew my desire to be sent. Most of ya'll know I'm "short-terming it" this summer in Mexico City, Praise God... But that's not what this blog is about.
I got to talk to the director, Tony, and one of the guys in the program, Mike(http://mdingrimsby.tblog.com). (*Little background on Robin, in my "other life" I was obsessed with all things British.*) Tony was fantastic. God really used him to say some things I had been needing to hear. Like, it's ok to be happy. That what Jesus does. Well, actually He gives unending joy, but thankfully, He also makes me happy. Anyway, we got to talk about the PAIS program and it really sounded attractive. I thought I'd never want to go back to the UK after living in London... But, I mean, I was so attracted to it for so long... PAIS has a program where people work with high school aged kids in their schools... It just sounded so great. Plus, listening to Mike talk was just a BLAST. No matter what, I will always think British accents are FABULOUS. And he talked about being "Scottish" which made my day, because I "heart" Scotland... Just all around really cool people.
What that should boil down to is that God brightened my outlook on graduation. "I'm not going to leave you with NO OPTIONS in your life, Robin," I felt Him saying, "I'm always going to show you how to serve me. Just listen and trust. I AM big enough."
Tony also told me I was funny, which is soooo cool to hear, because sometimes I think I'm just dumb. :?
My birthday was Weds March 31st. It, too, was fabulous. My friends took me out to Chili's... There was like 20 people there. For MY birthday. I was the special birthday girl! So exciting! Then Micheal, Jason, Stefanie, Jessica, and I had a nightcap. It's good to be old sometimes. I got reminded of how special and loving my community really is through my birthday. They made sure to let me know how much I am loved, what else could a girl ask for on her birthday? Oh, flowers. And I got those, too. :)
I love how Jesus never leaves me alone. Not even for a little bit. He never stops teaching me. He never stops molding me in the woman He always planned for me to be. He continues to show me in big ways, and sometimes even better, in small ways, that He loves me and WANTS me to be with Him.
So, I'm debating on whether or not I should put a really long STiM blog up. I mean, I guess some people would care to know what's going on... I think I'd rather just write a really long love letter to my team. They've been AMAZING. Seriously, folks, these are some of the coolest, most loving, funniest, most charming, most fabulous people in the world. I'd bet my bank account on it, if I were a betting man... Or woman. These men and women have been the most tangible showing of Christ's love to me, ever. 
